The Healer’s Process Course

3 Month Intensive Course for Healers, Coaches, Therapists and all those called to the path. This program is for those that are looking for tools to work on themselves and for sharing with the world.

You will discover who you are as a healer, learn new ways to work on yourself and others.

Gain more power, confidence and clarity.

Multiple training and practice videos to support your journey.

How to understand yourself, your unique gifts and move past the stickiest blocks to your greatness.

How to build your field, have better boundaries and work with energy in an intelligent way.

How to stop taking on energy from others and be willing to do deeper, more Shamanic, energetically intensive work without fear.

Cleansing and purification, what it is, why it is important and what you most need to know.

How to create a safe and sacred container for your work.

How to integrate healing into your life, business or coaching practice.

How to use certain systems in healing to get the best results. This is everything around the modalities and trainings that you wish that you had been taught but that really is not being touched on in most trainings.

This is the information that you have been waiting for.

See the link for more info.

 

What Does It Mean To Be Healed?

I am going to break down some considerations of what it means to be healed and some questions and practices that you can engage with right away to support your own path to understanding what it means to be healed.

Have you ever sat in the painful inquiry, “How can I have done so much work and still not be healed?!”

Have you had clients who struggle with the fact that they are still dealing with certain issues even after what feels like ‘forever’ processing them?

Have you ever doubted yourself, your tools or your own commitment to your work because of your own or other’s inability to move past a certain point?

I think that this is almost a more complicated topic in my work because most of the people that I serve are in some way a healer or coach or one focused on healing for many years for themselves and their clients.

Often anything less than complete reduction in all symptoms and a total and complete shift to a fully whole and functioning life in every aspect is seen as some sort of failure.

I see that people discount or even forget how much progress that they have made. There is little celebration of small victories.

The focus is primarily on what is not working, what is still the sticking point or the pain and the transformations, realizations and expansion are forgotten.

It is easy to focus on what is not working. It takes more effort to focus on what is working, what has progressed. Yet, this is where the full reprogramming occurs. This is the doorway in which we travel to full transformation.

This is a function of our brain and it’s wiring to focus on negativity because it is both an ancient orientation to stay safe and also a learned aspect of our being.

For example, if we can focus on danger and negativity, we will be more likely to get into shelter at dark avoiding predators. If we are able to focus fully on pain in our bodies, we will tend to treat it instead of letting it get infected.

And, as we grow we are taught that we must pay attention to what is wrong, the wrong answers on the test are marked in red and cause pain, shame and change. The right ones, we rarely think about again. In fact, a lot of people get shamed for getting things right when others struggle.

So, like I said, it takes a lot of conscious effort to recognize our progress and what we have done and take into account our process might be one that simply has some twists and turns as we learn, train and move through our emotions, energies and physical limitations.

Again, the question can be asked, “What does it mean to be healed?”

Honestly, this must be answered for each one of us as we go along and it will shift and change with the tides of your life.

Healed = Wholeness

You have probably heard that plenty of times.

If you want to see a cool video on healing, here is one from Chinese Medical Qi Gong Practitioners reducing a tumor in a patient. When I was shown this video, it was explained to me that they are chanting basically, “Already Done” and they are focused and imagining not that the patient is healing or the tumor is lessening but that it is “Already Done”. Full, complete, integrated and whole.

It is important for us as we go through our process to have this attitude. To see and imagine ourselves on a consistent basis as already whole, healed, complete and “Already Done.”

What might change if this was your mantra and meditation?

See if this practice helps:

Think of an issue that you have been dealing with.

First drop into your body. Feel yourself connected and receiving form the Earth and from Above.

Take some calming and deep breaths.

If this issue, pain, situation was completely healed, how would you feel?

What would you be doing?

Let the first things that come to you come out. Write them down. Imagine yourself feeling that way. Imagine yourself doing those things.

And, then… go do that. What will help you feel that way right now?

What can you do?

Before you start arguing with me about this one, just do the exercise.

And then.. you might argue.. “but, I have this pain, this issue so I can’t do the thing that I want”.

OK, maybe. Maybe your issue is that you broke your foot so you can’t go scuba diving like you want. But, maybe you can go to the seashore, you can go do something that will help sea life in some way, you can go float about in a bay.

You might be in really bad shape right now and all you can do is put on a recording of whales, lay in the bathtub and imagine to the very best of your ability that you are truly swimming about.

This will change your outlook. It will engage your muscles even through the power of imagination. The magical thing about us is that our brains don’t know the difference in what we are doing and what we are imagining. The imagination is a primary key into our healing.

All of the sudden more peace is found, more joy, more connection.

The body and soul start to heal themselves through this power of play and imagination instead of the ‘work’ that so many of us have become accustomed to as the path to healing.

Maybe you are depressed. If you consider, if you weren’t what would you be doing…and that might be making art. You might then come up with a lot of reasons why you can’t make art. Shift that to find some small way to engage with art. It might be just coloring, or building a beautiful altar or area in your home. It might be using materials from nature to make a mandala.

Because, what is healed? It is finding our way under the emotional, energetic issues that are holding us and manifesting in our bodies. It is finding a place of peace, joy and presence despite our issues, pain or struggles. It is moving forward, step by step acknowledging the profound shifts that we have already gone through, celebrating the small victories and leaning into the uncomfortable places.

I believe it is when we are able to be devoted to our practices, our intuition, our boundaries and our gifts. Because, you can go to one of those Medical Qi Gong Doctors, have them reduce your tumor, but if you are not making life changes, processing old emotions, coming into higher alignment with your truths and virtues, the healing has not really happened and disease will slowly come back.

We will all have pain, illness and struggle. Often, it is how we engage with these struggles that makes all the difference. They are our teachers. They ask us to show up brighter, more devoted, more caring and more compassionate to ourselves and others.

We are all healing, but we are also already whole. Be with your wholeness and allow it to inspire your actions.

If you are interested in this discussion of what is healing and how can we be of the highest service in healing, I hope you will join me for The Healer’s Masterclass Series starting Sept 10th. Sign Up For Free

“You’re Not the Boss of Me!” How to Trust Your Own Instincts on Your Spiritual Path

Awakening and healing are a lot like having a baby.  Everyone wants to tell you exactly how to do it, yet you really have to listen to yourself, take what others say with some skepticism and spaciousness and allow the emerging being within you do its thing, have its experience and guide you.  It might be fast, slow, painful, orgasmic or somehow all of the above and definitely messy, but it is yours.  A helping hand, a few guiding words of encouragement, some valuable techniques can be extremely helpful.  Occasionally you will need a radical intervention.  Sometimes those interventions are too soon, unnecessary or poorly executed.

There is no one way to do this.  To awaken, to heal is a path all your own.  It often requires more patience, love compassion and space than we have ever given to anything before.

Do not let others dictate your path of awakening and healing.

Many times I have had teachers and mentors who so enthusiastically evangelized their method, process or system above all others as the right, best, fastest way to heal or grow that I have seen myself in my desire to be the best (I know, so much ego), to get it right, to master it, show up, commit, fully understand the methodology, the tradition or system to my eventual detriment.

Parts of the teachings and concepts have been valuable tools or information, yet in my persistent passionate participation, I have often found myself in pain, exhaustion, injury, disillusionment, and suffering.  Occasionally veering wildly off course or finding myself heavily invested in something that I really just want to get out of at all costs.

I know a lot of this speaks to one of my life lessons not to push so hard, slow down, trust and listen to myself and my guides and stand for myself no matter what.  This also requires me to confront my shadow of wanting to be seen and appreciated in my proficiency and study.

I have always liked to experience things fully.  I have operated full force under the banner of ‘go hard or go home’, I suppose drawing for my fairly hardcore Texas upbringing in a highly competitive sports home.  I have always pushed myself to my limits and often overdone life to my detriment.  In my 20’s this looked like putting myself in danger with drugs, alcohol, and sex while working so hard as an actor, taking on roles in which my physical body was risked doing stunts and fight scenes and doing ‘research’ which actually put my life in danger.  Some of these jobs left me with lifelong injuries and pain.

Once I started on my own path of healing and awakening, it often meant overdoing it in other’s modalities and practices, pushing my spiritual and physical limits in other ways.  It is not that I didn’t get a lot out of these experiences and teachings, but in some cases, I simply exhausted my body and created energetic deviations in my system in pursuit of mastery at other’s teachings.

In one workshop weekend learning a meditation and mantra practice, I met a woman who was exhibiting the most profound channeling I had ever witnessed.  This was early on for me and it was so touching and exciting to see someone so elegantly express what was still so chaotically expressing through me.  She gave me some of the best advice that I have, at times, forgotten:

“Sure, take classes and learn from others, but do not let them train out of you what you already are.”

The longer I guide the less I desire to speak in absolutes, to create the conditions in which someone does not feel the freedom to be completely authentic and personally led and instead relying on others to know themselves and their own healing gifts.

I find myself feeling often more angered by the psychics, astrologers, and other seers and readers who tell people things they then hold onto so tightly that they can see no other way of being, who present information in a way that does not empower or leave room for personal exploration and growth.

I ask myself the question of how do I teach specific practices and systems and channel through messages while doing so in a way that actually encourages people to tap into their own inner knowing, guidance, and awareness. Because I know things, I bring things through and I am fucking certain about a lot of things (in the most humble way possible of course).

I also find myself desiring and actually allowing myself to have the simple pleasures that make life worth living instead of pushing myself to the limit to prove to others that their system, technique or lineage really works.

I just don’t have the time or the energy to do that shit anymore.  I will still study hard, give of myself and push myself toward growth, but I also hope to bathe myself in a deeper spring of compassion, ease and simplicity than ever before, to allow my unfolding and the unfolding of those I support to happen with a level of grace, radical self-preserving presence and inner guidance that I see is so often missing in many paths.

As healers and lightworkers, I believe we have a responsibility to share what we know, to develop and study systems that work and support people.  This has been my focus and commitment for many years.  Yet, I also see that these structures and systems must have room to breathe and grow for each one utilizing them.  The people that I work with have their own special skills, frequencies and lifetimes of training and personal development that simply needs to be activated and allowed to emerge.

In the end, I believe what we do with our lives should feel good.  It should feel supportive, nurturing and dare I say… kind.  There might be uncomfortable times of training, deep dives into the shadow, the very real experience of dealing with our sabotaging nature in relation to discipline and devotion, but the overall path that I want to choose is one of expansive presence to my own self and my own expression of magic.  This is what I am devoted to bringing out in others.

 

9 ways that you can follow your instincts on your spiritual path

  1. Listen to your body.  Not all bodies are meant to do the same things at the same rate of development.  I have met people who have blown out knees from a Yoga teacher standing on their legs and so many with other pulled muscles, torn tendons and injured joints from being pushed too far too fast or made to hold physical postures for extended periods of time.
  2. Feel into your past and your energy.  Especially in terms of adrenal fatigue.  It is real and those that come from high stress or trauma can be showing up with seriously depleted systems that need more rest and nurturing than some teachers suggest.  Rest is vital for this path.
  3. Drop the comparison game.  So many of us are in comparison and competition in everything that we do.  It is how we were taught to be as children.  Especially when we compare ourselves to those that have been on the path for a long time we risk hurting ourselves in some way.
  4. Trust your gut.  If something feels wrong, stop.  If you have come from an abusive past, acknowledge that you gut instinct might not always show up for you, in which case, even more self-inquiry and space might be needed for you to feel what is right for you.
  5. Be willing to ask questions and speak up for yourself.  If you are studying with someone that does not allow this, or puts you down, shames you or does this to others this is a huge red flag.
  6. Be willing to be alone.  The best way to get a good feel on if something is right is sometimes to take some space from it.  Be willing to slow down, be alone and listen deeply for your own internal guidance.
  7. If someone is claiming to have the only way, the only path step back… there are many ways to the top of the mountain.
  8. Remember that you are a sovereign being.  You hold the keys to your path.  Your teachers, guides and mentors should be ones who open handedly allow for that.
  9. You got this.  You are whole.  You are capable.  You are a gift to the world.  Shine your unique light and you will allow others to shine theirs.  In this, we all heal.

If this resonates with you, join me for my next free Masterclass: Join me for The Healers Masterclass.

Regulating the Channel

As healers and mediums (and even those who do not identify as such), we are responsible for the regulation of our channel.  This seems to be a source of much confusion and time wasted for many of us. 

It requires a consciousness toward how we are performing as the channel on a daily basis, an awareness of the communications we keep with our spiritual beings, a steady responsibility to own our own systems and to learn its mastery.

Down Regulation. 

Is your channel too open? 

Often when people start to awaken and open their channel, whether through intentional practices, meditations or substances or through a spontaneous evolution of the system or re-opening from childhood, the system is overwhelmed by too much information.

As an open channel, we are seen as beacons of light to the spiritual realms.  We are antennas open to the other realms.  Imagine a high power antenna being open to every radio station on the planet.  The noise would be overwhelming and all of the songs and talking heads would become a cacophony of garbled sound.  You might catch a few things here and there, but it is not precise or clear.  This is what it is like for many people as they start to open their channels.  They know they are bringing in information but it is unclear and unreliable.  The system is overwhelmed by spiritual information and the person loses energy and is confused.  At this point, many people simply start to shut down in order to protect themselves, or they fight to remain open and navigate this experience while everything simply feels like too much.

Lack of sleep, brain fog, partial messages and a generalized lack of trust in self and the acquired information is the result.

When I first started opening my channel, I was overwhelmed by beings flying in at any time they liked.  I had no control, nor did I think that I had the right or the ability to have control over this experience.  Confronted with beings of massive size and strange vibration, who have powerful information and experiences to share we can feel small, powerless and as though we are at the whim and mercy of these other beings.

I had to learn that I was a sovereign being and how to say no and create containers for the work.

Spiritual beings do not have the same awareness of our daily needs.  They feel you as an open channel point and want to come through, but they may not consider that you might be busy with things like eating, sleeping, driving your car or other activities in which a channel state is not the most conducive to getting things done on the material plane.

When we start to be really clear with the beings that we are working with, they know when they can come in because we have invited them and given them permission.  This invitation process also helps to ensure that we are working with higher level / frequency beings.

It is important to work on our own sense of individuated sovereign identity as a channel.

I am a sovereign being.

I am a sovereign being.

I am a sovereign being.

Repeating this on a regular basis, tapping the solar plexus to pack energy into the area while breathing and expanding this area, front and back of the body also helps.

Creating a solid container for the work is also vital.  When the beings you are working with know they have a container for coming through, that you are in control of it, they are less likely to just come in at any time.

When wanting to have your channel open, you can add in these phrases:

I connect through my higher self to open my channel to beings of love and light (or a specific being that you are working with).  I call upon and invoke (name of being or energy) or those that serve the highest and best and only those that serve the highest and best for the purpose of….

I am calling on my guides and angels to…

I bring light to my body, heal to heal my physical, emotional, spiritual bodies, or of a particular person by stating their name, or to bring in information and guidance.

Follow your heart with your intention for the work. 

I allow you to flow through my body so that I can bring your messages to the planet.

I ask to be an open and pure channel for the messages. 

From here you can start to have a conversation with the being, letting the messages flow through you in the way that you receive them.  You might receive images, hear a voice, or a being might talk through you.  Sometimes you will simply have a feeling.  That is enough.  The longer you work with a particular energy the stronger it will get. Do not pre-judge how your channel should work.

When you are closing down, make your intentions clear.

Thank you for coming to do this work with me today.  I am grateful for this encounter and I ask that you make yourself more known to me.  Is there anything else that you can show me or tell me about yourself so that I may call upon you again?

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

The channel is now closed.  I will let you know when I am available next to do the work.

If you find yourself bombarded by beings and energies at different times you can restate your sovereign state, say that you are not open at this time and to come again when I have created the container for this work.

If you are being kept up at night, state this before bed:

I am not available tonight for any communication.  I ask that you help me receive a restful and regenerative night sleep only.

Or you can ask for upgrades:

I am available for upgrades to my energetic system, through my higher self and my guides that serve my highest and best, but I need this to occur within restful sleep. 

Again making clear that you are only seeking connection with those that are of the light and those that serve the highest and best.

Sometimes, Shamanic initiations can feel extremely overwhelming and as much as we ask for help it seems not to shift enough to create comfort.  If this is the case, it is important to look into the traumas and emotional holdings that are in the body which are seeking to be dealt with through this process.  The only way out is through in this work and for some an easy time is not the way we have designed our awakening to occur.  Consider asking what the contract is that you instated for your awakening, why it is there and even then make an appeal that it happen with more grace and ease.  Going into movement meditation for this point might open up visions or awarenesses of past lives or soul contracts or other new information which might serve your path.

Going out into the ‘real world’.

As open channels, we often go through times when we find it extremely challenging to go out into the real world.  This can be because we are receiving too much information in crowds of people.  While you might never enjoy a huge crowd again, you can learn how to navigate the reality of the world.  We are being called to master this so that we can go out in the world and be of service.  I remember going out to functions and being unable to handle so much energy and information.  I kept my hands down or in packets, hidden in arm warmers down below my hands because if I raised my hands they would start to work and seek people out, if someone touched me it often sent a jolt through my body and could easily send me into an altered state for a moment.  I struggled for years in not being able to go to workshops, Yoga classes or events because my channel was so easily opened.  If there was an event in which we were going to be asked to hold hands, forget about it.

If this is something that you are struggling with, start to set yourself up for greater success by asking for help with whatever is happening for you.

I am not working tonight.  I do not wish to receive messages or to do healing work tonight.  I am off duty.  I am using this time to socialize and have fun.  If you have a very important message, please let me know and I will let you know if I am available to receive it.

You can also use these gifts to your advantage.

I am going into this event.  I am using this as a networking opportunity to meet people that are supposed to work with me.  Allow that those that need my medicine cross my path and please help me to bring through the right words to make the connection.

You can get as specific as you want here.

The individuated mediumistic work that you are called to do will inform the type of visitations you will have.  Those that are of service by helping disembodied souls to transition to the light can be more effected by this than others as these soul forms are not of the highest consciousness and so do not align with the free-will of the planet and are more likely to just show up at all hours requesting help or wanting to deliver a message.  Again, reinstate your sovereign identity, state when you are working and when you are not.  If someone comes into your bedroom at night you have every right to tell them to go away and come again tomorrow when you are in meditation and you will speak with them then.

Up regulation. 

Are you vibrating at a frequency that will serve you as a channel?

We are often looking at our programs, workshops, offerings, and sessions as the means by which we do our healing work and offer our gifts.  The truth is that most of our work is through occupying a higher vibration and that through the law of resonance, others, just be being in proximity to us can have radical shifts in their vibration. We are helping to shift people’s frequency. This is often in our work, but can happen in any situation.

Realizing this, we can take on a sense of responsibility for our own vibration. This means taking care of your physical, etheric, emotional, spiritual and mental bodies.  Once again, self-care is the name of the game and sleep, movement, play, nutrition, being in nature, positive actions and thoughts, forgiveness, and being conscious of what you are exposing yourself to on a daily basis is vital.  This does not mean that you are never allowed to be sad, angry or have a bad day.  Quite the opposite, all of the emotions must be held space for, the shadow embraced and danced with and natural grieving processes honored.

What we are seeking is a feeling that even in the midst of challenges and the realities of life we are making choices which are in service to the raising of our vibration not the dampening of it.

This often requires once again doing research and seeking experts and mentors to guide us through supplementation, nutrition and practices.

We can also ask for help in this area as well.  Going into meditation, let yourself sit with a particular issue, or of the generalized need to raise your vibration.  Connect and ask your guides  for information on vitamins, practitioners and practices.  You might not get an answer right away.  That is OK.  Simply ask that the things that you need to bring you into balance and vitality be brought into your awareness.  You might then find that you meet an amazing acupuncturist at a party, a book about a way of eating falls off of the shelf when you are in a book store or you receive an email with an offer for studying a practice which will change your life.  You might want to learn how to self muscle test or work with a pendulum if you still feel unsure of the right things to do.

The other benefit of raising our vibration is that we can then start to access higher levels of information.  You might start receiving information from a new guide who wasn’t able to communicate with you before.  It is often the case that we have initial guides who are bringing us through the process of opening our channel and once we reach a certain point we will graduate to another guide who will be bringing in more information or healing.  It is also the case that after a certain point your guides will be able to bring through more advanced information and healing work.  This is because you have been raising your vibration to be able to access and hold these higher levels of consciousness.

Tracking yourself as the channel takes a strong sense of dedication to self and to mission.

When you are asking for help to regulate your system in either direction, to receive upgrades or new awarenesses, always link your requests to your soul mission and purpose.

I desire new upgrades to my vibration, in an easeful way that I can handle, so that I can be of greater service to the world and bring my healing gifts to more people assisting in the evolution of consciousness on the planet.  Thank you.

If you are interested in learning more.. you might want to check out my Open Your Channel Class Series and Retreat

Please Forgive Me, I Forgive Myself, I Am Forgiven

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I FORGIVE MYSELF

I AM FORGIVEN

Recently, in medicine ceremony this process unfolded through me and I was afforded deep, profound healing and awareness of a painful issue which has plagued me throughout my life.

We all know forgiveness is important to healing. The core of healing is often forgiveness.  We hear a lot about forgiving others:  our past partners, friends, parents and other family members. 

The deepest forgiveness work is forgiving ourselves.

PAST LIFE FORGIVENESS

Many of us have done great damage in our lifetimes  (maybe this one).  Let’s face it, if you believe in multiple lifetimes, you have to wonder where did all of those murderers, rapists, abusers, torturous prison guards, SS officers, etc etc etc end up in the next life?  If we hold that our soul is on a path of learning and discovery, we will acknowledge that some of those lifetimes we have lived (or are living concurrently as to the nature of time).  Many are walking through life in pain and disease from past life actions.

Deep Karmic healing requires our intense presence in the deepest wounds from these lifetimes.  In these lifetimes, we often allowed, called in and cultivated relationships with low frequency spirits that infiltrate our being with further pain, illness and trauma.  To root it out takes a willingness to face healing, often experienced as illness and pain full on with a compassionate heart.   We are called to go through the process of asking, then receiving our own forgiveness and to allow light to enter the places where we were not allowing it before due to our shame and subconscious self-hatred.

Without forgiving ourselves, we continue to hold hatred, shame and low frequencies in the body and being. 

There is no space for transformation without forgiveness.

Forgiveness for others is an incomplete process.

Please Forgive Me.  We often search desperately for someone to forgive us.  The light, God… We feel crushed under the burden, with the realization of our own horrors.  I have seen myself do terrible things and I have felt their implications in my life now.  This forgiveness feels external.  It has to be given the great weight and the detachment that we have from the issue.  But, we have to find this place where we completely surrender to asking for help and forgiveness.  Even if we are not exactly sure what we are asking for, we are tuning into a deeper knowing that realizes it is something that must be worked on.   

I Forgive Myself.  This one is such a challenge.  We hit against all of the reasons that we don’t deserve forgiveness, why we can’t forgive ourselves and the contracts we have made associated with the things we have done.  We must ask for help in removing these contracts from our energetic and soul signatures.

I Am Forgiven.  This is a place of deep rest and release.  We realize that we are already forgiven.  We have an unlimited amount of grace flowing toward us.  We always get another chance, a new start, but we have to ask for it and cultivate it in action.

Many of us in medicine work, healing sessions, relationships, and through other modalities are going through this process.  Sometimes it is very conscious, other times it is subtly under the surface.

When cultivated as a practice: 

Forgive me, I forgive myself, I am forgiven. 

We can open up to new possible futures without the weight of past negative actions on our soul, creating illness and pain in our bodies and following us everywhere attracting low frequency beings, people and situations.

Dating Your Energetics

What if you could date an angel? Create a solid partnership that will serve your life and work on this planet.

When we open our channel, we can become confused. The messages and energies can be streaming in all at once, and it is hard to sort things out. Add that to a crowded room of people and we can become overwhelmed and shut down.

When you feel that you have multiple energies, guides and angels that you are connecting with and you would like more clarity to sort out their meanings and messages I encourage you to treat this process like you are dating.

Your channel might feel like you are just sleeping around all over the place. While I see nothing wrong with having Polyamorous (love with multiple beings) relationships with your energetics, and you will have a council of guides available to you throughout your life, I encourage you to spend some time with focused dedication to each one.

Practice:

Decide to spend a week, a month or other period of time on a certain frequency or energy that you are feeling is coming in to you.

Build a separate altar in your space that is dedicated for this purpose.

Decorate that altar with the colors, stones and images that resonate with the being you are working with. These can be standard symbology associated with a particular angel for example but always use your guidance and intuition.

Sit with this energy on a daily basis.

Place your forehead on the ground and allow the gratitude for this being to well up in your heart.

Start a dialog with this being, always coming back to thankfulness and appreciation.

Treat it like a date. Pour two glasses of juice or tea that resonates with this energy, dress in lovely clothes in colors guided by the energy. Wear jewelry that feels connected to this frequency. Dance and allow the energy to move through you. Sing and allow the tones most loved by that energetic to flow through you. Write and allow the words to come through from this being. Draw images that you feel it would connect with. Treat it very much like a love relationships and the energy will be inspired to come more often and be more clear around its mission and purpose in your life and work.

It will give you a focused time to really feel this energetic so that you are aware in sessions or life when it is present and what that means. You won’t be distracted as much by other beings when you are focusing on this one. If there are images that resonate with this being, do a soft gaze open eye meditation in front of the image.

When your time is done, always honor the energy and tell it is is free to go but welcome to come back when needed.

At the end of the focused time, place some of your altar items in another place in the home and maintain a smaller area of honor for this being.

You have now solidified a relationship that will serve your life and work. The being will feel your gratitude, admiration and love which in turn will make the world a more joy filled, playful and loving place.

Image: RAPHAEL by Carlos Quevedo

My Awakening

My awakening has served my path of service to the world. What will your awakening uncover?

I think that I was a fairly normal child.  I was a lot more sensitive than others.  I suffered from social issues that left me overwhelmed at school as a child.  I was shy, kind, wanted to spend most of my time outdoors with my dog, and had an odd draw toward drawing ankhs (an ancient Egyptian symbol), using an ouija board to contact spirits, burying coins in the yard for luck, reading ancient mythology, learning tarot cards, skipping school to go to the cemetery to light candles and I became a vegetarian at age 9 because I felt so strongly the pain of the world and animals in particular.

When I was 15 years old, my grandmother died.  It was a traumatic event.  An uncle and aunt very loudly blamed me for her death stating that she was upset over my having started the birth control pill.  Actually, this was very far from the truth, but I wouldn’t know that for years.  My mother, being a psychotherapist, sent me to a therapist to talk things out.  I was sad and grieving in a normal way.  But, the year was 1991 and better living through chemistry was all the rage.  I was prescribed an antidepressant.  

I was never advised to go off of this medication.  And, in fact, it did seem like I had depression, anxiety and other mental health issues.  I would feel weird and not right in my head.  And they would prescribe another pill.  I started having panic attacks and I was prescribed Xanax, three pills a day in addition to two anti-depressants.  I was told that I had inherited a chemical imbalance. My mother had long suffered from depression, and doctors told me that going off of medication would be very bad for me.  I was told that I would be risking a serious mental break. The times when I would try to go off of these medications I would have such intense withdrawal symptoms that I would start to take them again right away.  

Basically, normal emotions and energies moving through my body were seen as enemies to push down instead of experience and process.

So I lived cerebrally medicated and hormonally regulated via birth control pill for almost 15 years.

Close to the end of my twenties I decided for once and for all to go off of these medications.  I thought I might want to have a baby and that seemed like a good reason, although I was told that I could, of course, take antidepressants while pregnant.  

I had just before this made a proclamation to the Universe: I want to know who I am, who I really am deeply and I want to know my reason for being on this Earth.  

I kept coming back to this request and would reflect on it often. I didn’t yet see the connection to my request to know myself and my internal shift to want to go off of these medications.

Finally, I found a psychiatrist that would work with me on taking down the meds. I went off of the birth control pill, found an amazing acupuncturist, naturopath, chiropractor and set in for a deep healing. I was prescribed mushrooms and Holy Basil, a sacred herb from India.

On the acupuncturist’s table, within about a month I fell into what I would describe as my first glimpse of meditation.  I had been going to acupuncture for years for pain but this had never happened.  I actually relaxed fully, my mind was alert and yet clear.  I felt peace.

I had tried Yoga and meditation before, but it just seemed over my head.  I couldn’t grasp the concept and it was discouraging.  But, here I was, traveling it seemed.

The come down was hard despite the support I had.  I suffered from dizziness, brain-fog, digestive problems, headaches, nausea, anxiety and more.  It was hard to tell what was real and what wasn’t.  Things seemed overwhelming and I had the sensation that I was feeling things in my life that I had never felt before.  I had always loved sex, but I started to have more intense satisfying, full body orgasms.  I started to feel joy, ecstasy and bliss for the first time.  Pain and dark depth of feeling was there too. Repressed emotions rose to the surface to be felt and processed. It was like I had been living inside of an old black and white TV and all of the sudden I was in technicolor and surround sound.  

I started listening and asking questions.

I started receiving messages.  ‘Go to the forest.  Work with plants.  Find the green.’

One day, I was invited to go to a huge field of flowers.  This was a large art project near downtown Los Angeles.  My boyfriend told me, “Take off your shoes.”  I grew up in Texas, where there are stickers and stinging insects everywhere. You did not go without shoes.

I had spent my 20s living in New York and Los Angeles.  I could not tell you when the last time I had my shoes off on the Earth was.

All of the sudden, a huge rush of energy came up through my feet.  I was literally knocked to the ground.  I felt and knew the energy of the Earth.  She was powerful and it created a depth of emotion that I had never felt before.  I spent the rest of the day curled in a ball in a laundry basket on the floor of my closet.  Something important had happened to me and I wasn’t sure what.  I knew that I needed to help heal something and to know and love the mother.

We went to a fairy-land place in a deep forest of Oregon.  And, it was as if I could see the fairy folk dancing all around me.  And I heard, very clear, “You are a Healer.”
What?  What does that mean?  I was actually quite broken in my body, I had no knowledge of healing, and no context to what this could mean.

So, I started guessing.  I knew I was supposed to work with plants. Maybe I was an herbalist.  I started studying.  I began more gardening projects and learned organic gardening and Permaculture. I started working with plants.  I was drawn to Spagyrics (an herbal medicine produced by alchemical procedures. These procedures involve fermentation, distillation and the extraction of mineral components from the ash of the plant.) after experiencing them at a festival and took an Alchemy course which would change my life.  In it, I was introduced to invoking trance states through plant meditations and drumming. I learned how to work with the elementals and did deep personal study of Kabbalah and ancient texts of transformation.

Luckily, I had the luxury of having time alone and not needing to work.  I am not sure what I would have done or if I could have done this at all without the support of my partner at the time and I will forever be grateful to him.

When I decided that I should meditate, I started to sit.  But, within a few minutes of sitting, my body would start to be racked with energy.  All of the sudden I would be shaking, making crazy sounds, flailing about and frankly scaring the shit out of myself.  It was ugly, horrible stuff.  I would scream and yell, contort and cry and all the while this intense energy was thrusting through me.  Sometimes I would be breathing heavily, sometimes I would stop altogether until I remembered that I must breathe to live.  Sometimes I shook so hard I thought I would knock my teeth out of my head.  I burned through with heat that drenched me in sweat for hours.

I didn’t tell people.

I spent a lot of time in the tub.  I would just make sound and cry for hours.

Then the visions started.  I would have remembrances of times that were not now and places that were not here.  And they were real.  And they sometimes opened up huge areas of grief, rage and shame.  I started to navigate these waters with movement and sound.

I began to have a very hard time going out in public.  Crowds were intense, music seemed louder and more jarring and the trees, animals, and elements were speaking to me.

I remember going out to eat once and it started to rain (odd in LA).  I couldn’t help but start this activation which was from the information that was coming into my hands from the water.  I had to make certain tones and movements; I had to go to the water.  

I started to channel.  This process was uncomfortable and intense. At first, it was a rush of energy running through me pushing at all of my blockages. The words were broken and jarring. I sputtered, stuttered and hit up against my own doubts and fears. Words flowed through that were not of this world. They were of another time and place and they were also of me and the pure essence of my being.

I had never even seen such a thing in real life.  I thought that to channel you had to pass out and then something took you over.  I had really only known a small amount about it from reading Edgar Cayce. That wasn’t what was happening to me.  It was like I was in there, same as always, only there was another energy in there too. My consciousness felt shifted to the back of my brain.  I still feel it mostly like this as though I am moving to the back right hand corner of my mind space.  I was a channel to a group of star people.  I was told information about the impending rising waters of the earth and what it would be like.  

I was told that I was key in bringing in and being a container for a raising of vibratory frequency.  That the people of the light would gather together and form a beacon to the others that seek to help us.

I was told that I was supposed to be channeling in front of groups of people.  Which basically scared the shit out of me.

I didn’t know what to think except that maybe I really was crazy.  I started reading more about channelings that others have brought through and thought those sounded a bit crazy as well.  But, I could not help but feel like this was something that I was supposed to be doing and kept coming back to it.

There were times when a being would enter my body and its vibration was so foreign, so large that I could hardly contain it and it was like being plugged into a light socket and not being able to let go.

At times, it seemed that they likened it to a novelty.  To be inside a human form in that way was unique and fun.

They started to pop in at different and uncalled for times, like when I was driving on a freeway in Los Angeles.

At that time I started to say no.  I had no idea that saying no was my right before this.

I learned to state that I was a sovereign being. I had to be clear and precise with what I would allow to happen inside of my body and what I wouldn’t allow.

I was overwhelmed and felt at the whim of this energetic work that was happening through me.

I went to see a doctor.  Yes, an MD, but one that I thought could understand me and what I was going through.  She was raised as the granddaughter of the healer woman from a village in India.  She read palms and taught at a center for esoteric studies.

I went into trance state.  She spoke with the primary being I was channeling.  And, I am sure a few other things that I can’t remember.  

Afterward, she told me, “You are a Shaman.  The problem is that you live in normal society.  In a tribal culture, you would have been picked out early on as a child, sent to live with the Shaman, nurtured and trained and then you would have lived outside of the village.  Your time would be spent working with plants and the spirits.  You would have no other job.  People would bring you food and things that they made in return for the healing that you would do.  But, now you have to be in this society, have a job, fight traffic, navigate reality which is not what you were brought here to do.”

Throughout this time I kept asking for help.  I was fortunate to come across the path of a master teacher, Mayaya who took me under her wing and taught me the vital processes of grounding, releasing, balancing, and activating.  These practices became the cornerstone of my process through this time and beyond.  Without these tools I would have risked damaging my energetic system perhaps permanently.

I reached out and started studying with other teachers and guides of meditation, Yoga and other healing modalities both structural and energetic.  Because I had injured my back in my early 20s I deeply studied anatomy and physiology and body work. Through this I started to discover the energetic and emotional correspondences that were being expressed in people’s bodies.  

The awakenings kept happening.  The blockages were cleared over time.  My voice opened and I found one of my most sacred healing tools.

This awakening, in the eyes of most people would seem like madness.  There would seem to be no cure for such a disorder that would cause extreme shaking and trembling, speaking in tongues, inability to control the body, heavy sweats, screaming and crying.

This could only be madness of the most profound state that would have to require hospitalization, medication, exorcism, hysterectomy or lobotomy.

But, this was my path to full and total liberation of my being becoming fully actualized as a master healer and mystic.

As a healer, I believe that we must fight our way through blocks that keep us from being actualized.  This creates a powerful portal that propels us to our destiny.

People go through this in different ways.  Often a near death experience or serious illness are the initiatory experiences that bring us in contact with the spiritual forces at work in our lives.  Others receive their initiation through drugs, sex or spiritual practices.

We are offered a way to wake up and join the forces of light and to do the work we are brought here to do.

In this process, there is a need to clear and heal all aspects of our being.  We must address the past lives in which we were tortured and burned in order to pull through the information for that life.

We must heal the blocks from our upbringing that says we should remain small, not tell people what we see, hear or know.  We begin to integrate all parts of ourselves.  Then we can form relationships with other beings of light and the natural world to support us on our journey.

And, so my path so clearly laid out before me is one of being the bridge for the others.  People come to me when they start to awaken to their energy and potential.  They bring their fears and shame.  They wonder at their sanity and their place in the world.  

And, because I have had such a strong experience.  Because it was so intense and powerful for me to go through this time, I am able to relate and offer support.

I am constantly pushing myself to learn more, experience more, open more and confront the shadows that keep me held back as I do for all of my people who come to me for help.

I believe that simple practices and awareness can make this process much easier and that the healing that works through my body and field is my service to this world.

It has not been an easy path.  It is not one that I chose but one that chose me.

And, I would not have it any other way.

Excerpt from Awaken, Heal, Evolve: The Modern Mystics Guide to the Awakening