Dragon Inside You

There is a powerful dragon.  She hides in the depths of your being and holds her fortress secure.

She has been in residence for a long time.  So long in fact that you can hardly remember a time when this dragon wasn’t in charge of your responses to the world.

Long ago you were small and weak, unformed and unlearned.  Your heart was open and soft, your body fragile and weak.  Your mind grasped to know the truth and warped around the information coming into it’s young fresh system.

In this space of wonder and exploration, you were wounded.  A pain was inflicted.  A trauma occurred.  It might have gone unnoticed to the outside world.  It might have been obvious but even as often not.

In the space of this wounding you called out, cried into the ethers for help.

You were small.  You needed more power.  You needed a protector.

A dragon came to hear your call.  This dragon was also small and young but still she was more powerful than you.  This dragon knew one thing.  Protect.

The dragon would do anything to protect your fragile soul and psyche.  She was wise and wily.  She could figure out the best way for you to remain safe, hidden and protected from the harsh world around you.

In return you fed the dragon. You cared for her and created a deep bond.

She promised never to leave and you promised to keep doing the things that she said would keep you safe.

She taught you many things.  She taught you how to dissociate from your body so that you would not feel pain or fear.  She taught you how to shut off your emotions so that you would not be mocked.  She taught you how to respond with anger and violence to protect your soft underbelly.  She taught you distraction, addiction and running away to avoid the truth of your darkness.

She has done a very good job.  Your protector and friend.  Confidently keeping others away so that they do not get close enough to hurt you.

The dragon grew as you grew.  She became more powerful, more fierce and more certain of her rightness in your world. She set up her cave inside of you and fed from you.  You became so used to her that you lost that she is even separate.  You became immeshed.  

As you have grown to adulthood and left behind the situations that caused you to first call on your dragon, she is still reactive.  Even with no danger about she postures, breathing fire and scorching those around you and causing you loneliness and pain.

After a time you begin to resent her being.  She is in the way of your happiness and peace.  She stops you from having deep relationships, she gets you in trouble and causes a darkness to pervade your life.

At some point, you become angry with her.  You begin a battle.  You fight with her, tell her to leave, start a war inside of your own being.  You push.  She digs in.  You scream.  She screams back.  Your body manifests the conflict.  Pain is felt.  

Now you know what you must do.  Win the battle, kill the dragon, kill the pain, fight to the death this monster of your creation.

And still you do not see that she was nurtured by you.  Loved by you.  Cared for and fed by you.  Why would she leave?

Your ingratitude causes her to enlarge.  She puffs out her form and takes up even more space.  You suffer and collapse.  She wins battles. You succumb. You win battles. She retreats for a time.

Until you are exhausted.  No closer to truth.  No closer to peace.  

I invite you to a different way.

Stop.  Quiet your mind.  Breathe.

Vision yourself traveling to the cave of your dragon.

Allow that she is waiting for you.  Hiding the treasure of your heart behind her fiery tongue.

Vision this beautiful magical creature that you have been in deep relationship with for all of these years.

Enter her domain with reverence.

Bow to her as you come before this majestic creature.  Open your heart.

Be with her.

Feel the deep well of gratitude for all that she has done to protect you.  Feel how much you can pour compassion and thankfulness for her deep service to your life.

She has been your ally.  She has been your friend.  Perhaps when you had no other she has remained devoted to you.

Look into her eyes and offer yourself.  Offer your love, compassion and truthful gratitude.

Feel the grace in that.

Thank her.  Acknowledge her.  Make your love an offering to her.

And then tell her what you most desire.  

Tell her that you are so grateful for her service.  But, that you have it from here and she is no longer needed.  Ask her what she needs to let go and to leave your body so that you may be free to take care of yourself.  Tell her that you are no longer in danger. Tell her that she is needed elsewhere.

Feed her your gratitude and compassion.  Acknowledge the service.  And keep telling her that you no longer have this contract with her. The contract is now broken and she is free to go.

Vision her as she leaves.  She is full of love and is able to show you her intense beauty instead of her fierceness.

Let her go.

When you feel her presence in your life repeat this process.

Acknowledge.  Gratitude.  Compassion.  Release

A battle inside of you will only wear you out.  Resistance causes suffering.  War does not create peace especially inside of your soul.