When I was first handed this assignment, I folded it up into a small square and hid it in my purse for several months. At the time, I was working really hard with my clients, had a shitty boundary system with them and was in a lot of physical pain and discomfort. I didn’t really want to deal with some of my anger at my mother, but it kept surfacing in the tears that sprung up on a regular basis. I was resentful and just couldn’t seem to let it go and our relationship was really suffering.
Every so often I would take the paper out of my purse, unfold it, read my notes on the letter I was going to write and then fold it back up and put it away.
Finally, one day I was ready. I realized that there was no way that I could continue to hold negative feelings toward someone that I still shared cells with. I was poisoning myself and the relationship was so hard to maintain. She could feel that something was wrong, she knew that I was mad at her, but I couldn’t let it out. I wasn’t being honest with either one of us.
I offer you this exercise as one to help clear the old wounds that might be plaguing your relationship. Of course, this can be done with any strained relationship in which old issues are driving things and is especially helpful for forgiving those that have passed.
Write a letter to your mother (or anyone else) in which you allow yourself to go into all of the places where she hurt you and did not show up for you. Get it all out there. This could take a while and will be painful. You might want to take some time off from talking with mom so that the pain that is surfacing and the words from the page don’t make it out to her. There is usually little reason to go into these things with a parent. They often can not hear or hold space for these things. It would simply be too painful to look at and not in the highest service.
Do NOT send this letter!
Speak these words to the Earth. Go out into nature where it is OK to break down and sob and say these words. Say them to the Earth. Let her hold your pain and tears.
When this feels settled, write another letter. This one from your mother.
When you sit down, ask to be connected to your mother’s higher self. Ask that you be able to write from her higher self to respond to your letter.
From her higher self, you can receive what you need. Go through each point and let her really hear you, acknowledge you as you would like to be acknowledged, let her say that she is sorry.
“I know that I let you down. I know that was not a loving way to be. I see that I hurt you. I am sorry. I was doing the best that I knew how at the time. Know that I love you.”
Let this really sink into your being. Read the words to your inner child and let her feel their truth from the higher nature of your mother.
You might want to write more letters to her or to others to complete this healing process.
The letter that you eventually write might be one of forgiveness, appreciation and love. This could be the one that you actually do send to your mom.
A ceremonial burning of these letters can also help to clear the energy and to create a new internal relationship for you.
As you heal and expand in consciousness, know that there will be wounds to heal and relationship dynamics to deal with. These can cause shutting down of areas and energy centers of the body and even create pain and illness. When you commit to doing your internal healing work, without requiring others to fulfill your need for healing, you can achieve remarkable peace.
I have noticed that my relationship with my mother greatly improved from this process.
We are close and talk often and I am able to have boundaries that I never had before in the relationship. I am taking responsibility for my experience within it and not holding old wounds up for viewing at every turn.
When we see the pains in our bodies and hearts as opportunities for growth instead of something to hide from, we allow a deep healing to occur and our true nature of love to emerge.