The Real Reasons Your Coaching, Healing, Therapeutic Practice is Stagnant

Many coaches and healers start out with their practice and slowly see an increase of business.  Their programs start to fill, they deliver the programs, things seem like they are going good.  They might even completely rock it with a full roster of clients and an incredible income in no time.   And, then it feels like things so sideways.  People start pulling out of programs, they have trouble paying, they forget to come to their sessions or seem to be avoiding booking.  New leads are drying up and it seems like more work than ever.  What worked before suddenly isn’t bringing in the same results. 

Sometimes, these are just natural growing pains, passing moments of shifts in your business and unavoidable aspects of any healing business.  Sometimes they are signals to shift your focus and become more authentic in your offerings.

But, when we are doing soul guided works, we are being guided and protected by those that assist in these endeavors.  Our guardians will not let us take on more than we can handle.  If they do, it is part of a lesson they are helping to teach in discernment and boundaries.

If our energy is not running properly, we are not sourced and fully in alignment we will not be able to handle many people’s energy.

Taking on a caseload that you can’t handle can burn you out and leave you completely drained. 

It does not matter if you are doing deep Shamanic one on one in person work or doing a group coaching business program with little individual touch, working with people requires a certain element of energetic mastery to hold your field, deflect what needs to deflected and to work with other’s energy in a way that is sustainable and easy.

Adding in elements of channeling, working with spirits or galactic energies in sessions and you can be depleted by the quick shift in frequencies or the intensity of the activations.

I have seen so many clients who with a small adjustment in how they were processing other’s energy were then able to take on more clients and the clients just started coming in.  Programs started to be channeled into existence and things just got easier.  They began doing deeper, more profound work and it wasn’t draining them any more.

I have learned this the hard way.  I have depleted myself and I have hit major roadblocks that I thought were due to marketing but were really due to my own energetics.

I work with a lot of intuitive and psychics.  So, when I am not on my game, they literally reach out to say, “I don’t think that we are supposed to be having a session today? Is that true?”

Yes, it is true.

We have been taught in our culture that we must always show up no matter what but doing healing, and spiritual works when we are not sourced, protected and grounded will deplete us and this is a danger to our systems making us vulnerable to all sorts of issues from taxed adrenals resulting in exhaustion to psychic attacks and entity attachments which can threaten our wellbeing and even our lives.

From my experience, there are a lot of schools out there, programs teaching modalities, methodologies of working on people,as well as, therapeutic and coaching processes.  Yet, few of these trainings give much instruction on how to protect yourself from taking on your client’s energy.  Rarely included are the processes one goes by to ensure a successful healing or coaching session so that the proper energies are invoked, the space is safe, the practitioner is protected and the work is done in a greater state of ease.

I have met a lot of advanced practitioners with years of experience doing deep work who are not in good health and vitality. They suffer from all sorts of energetic and physical issues.  This seems surprising because we expect those with a certain skill level to somehow have it all together and this is not actually the case all of the time.  Having a special skill does not mean that you do not have to deal with all of the life-long issues, traumas, belief systems that can create serious issues.

People enter the healing and coaching professions from the altruistic desire to help, to be of service, to create the conditions for people to heal and become whole, happy and productive doing what they love.  Often a core desire to help and be of service has been a lifelong pattern which started in the home where the highly sensitive child used her gifts of processing energy and emotions to stabilize the family unit.  These infantile ways of processing energy become a life-long pattern which is utilized usually with little awareness in sessions, group programs and speaking engagements.  When you are processing energy ineffectively you can cause major blockages, holdings and diseases in the body.  This can show up as chronic sore throats or digestive issues, heart pain or palpitations, burning in the diaphragm, weight gain and even escalate into tumors or organ issues over time.

Nothing will sideline your business and send you into a healing quest faster than a physical ailment which causes you to pull all of your attention off of your clients and business and onto yourself.

We don’t have time for this.  Nor do we want to sabotage our practices and our lives by needing to take a sabbatical right when things are cooking to figure out how we could have gotten to this place.  It is humbling to have to heal in the middle of a big career push, especially as someone who advises and works on others.

So, how do we avoid these pitfalls?  How do we keep ourselves from over-giving, from literally draining our power to give our clients access to theirs?  How do we remain sustainable in our practice so that we can serve a lot of people, do deep work, create the financial success that we desire while still feeling powerful, sourced and full of life-force?

How do we serve the world without sacrificing ourselves?

For some of us, sitting with this question is the first step.  Often in our excitement to be of service we forget to check in as to how it is effecting us.  We assume that we can go and go and we will be just fine.

1. Look at your energy and physical body.

How is my energy on a daily basis?

Where am I sacrificing myself to do this work?

Where is it showing up in my body?  This is so important because we often don’t even acknowledge the issues we are having in the body until they hit a crisis point.

Am I getting enough sleep, time in nature, sun and play?

Am I supporting myself with nurturing, remineralizing foods?

2. Look at your practice.

What does my daily practice look like?

Maybe we have a steady meditation practice or we get to Yoga a few times a week.  This just isn’t enough actually.  Specific practices to assist in cleansing, purification, protection and energy cultivation must be utilized.

What are the practices that I am doing before and after sessions look like?

What energies and guides am I connecting to that support the work that I am called to do?

How am I processing energy and emotions in sessions and am I doing it in the most efficient, sustainable way possible?

Am I steadily upping my self-care game so that I am able to handle the influxes of energies to come or am I letting myself be complacent with what used to work?

Do I give myself permission to take time off for rest on a regular basis?

Am I clearing the energy of my clients out of my system on a regular basis?

3. Look at your business.

Am I doing deeper work and holding greater space so I need to place more time between clients or take more time off in general?

Am I really charging enough for the work that I am doing?

Is there a way to add less energetically intensive options to my programs and offerings?

Am I simply working too hard sometimes and trying to push or muscle through my work?

Am I being really honest with myself and others about the work that I am doing, giving them an opportunity to see the value and pay more for the work so that I don’t have to take on so many sessions?

Is the marketing that I am doing honest to the work that wants to come through me?

Am I actually being called in a different direction or to complete an important project such as a book that is wanting to come through me?

Is the work that I am doing, the people that I am serving the highest expression of the gifts that re flowing through me?

We are advancing at a rapid pace.  Our practices, our awarenesses and our business must all be in fierce alignment with the emerging energies that we are bringing in or we run the risk of burnout and systems failure in our work.  By remaining present to the needs of our body and our soul during these times we can truly be of massive service to people and planet.  We don’t have time to spend pulling ourselves up from a set back.  There are simple tools and practices that can assist in being able to handle more clients and sessions but we have to start with our own self assessment and then implement the changes, take on the new practices that will support the work we are being called into.

I support High-Performing Coaches & Healers, Manage their Energy, Boundaries and Demands on them Personally and Physically, in order to sustain and scale their impact in the World.

Reach out to discuss how I might be able to support your practice and path.

Rocked to The Core of the Earth: Empaths and The Natural Disasters of Our Times

Rains are falling in Texas, the land of my birth and first 18 years.  Flood waters rise and submerge the area that I lived in to complete High School near Houston.  I am sitting in my living room crying.

I have no family there.  No real connections or friends and I haven’t been back in over 20 years.

Is what I am feeling connected with this disaster?  Is it because I have a connection to the land or because I am feeling what these people are feeling, their fear and sadness?

Empaths are known for feeling everything. 

For most of our lives we are called overly sensitive, emotional or even unbalanced.  We often have trouble understanding why when we walk into a room, or sit next to a particular person we start to feel sad or overwhelmed by the situation.

What situation?  There doesn’t seem to be a situation.  Hm, but it feels like a situation.  Must be me.

Until recently it was not acknowledged that there are a certain subset of the population that feel other people’s feelings, often as their own, have a hard time sorting their feelings from others, get overwhelmed easily in social situations and often have a calling to help others.  This calling can lead them to feel depleted as they seem to suck up negative emotions leaving the other person feeling amazing and the empath feeling like they have just been run over by a truck.

Many empaths have been or are currently medicated and pathologized by the medical establishment.

There are many natural empaths and it is also something that is trained into the system by being raised in an abusive or unstable environment.  Learning to feel and track other’s feeling is a survival strategy.

Take this innate and often cultivated strategy out into the world and you can spend a lot of time crying for no reason or wondering why everyone is pretending to be happy when you know otherwise.

An untrained empath can be in a world of hurt and not even understand why.

A trained empath can be a powerful healer, coach, lover and friend navigating the world in a way that is both of service and is sustainable.

But, in times of community or global crisis empaths can feel more overwhelmed than usual.  This can be even more confusing because the overwhelming emotions and energy seem to be coming from nowhere. There are no people around triggering these feelings so it is assumed they are internally derived   

We are in a time of profound transformation.  Societal conflicts and natural disasters are happening frequently.  Celestial occurrences such as solar flares and eclipses seem to be happening one after the other.

We are all connected.  We are also all connected to the Earth which is a living being undergoing changes at a rapid pace.

We are feeling not only the shaking of the Earth, the blowing winds and rising waters we are feeling the collective emotions of all those effected by the situations.

During the recent floods many report an overwhelming need to cry buckets of tears.  When we search for the reason behind the tears there seems to be none.

Those near the raging forest fires also feel sadness, but are also expressing a sense of anger, frustration and even rage.

We are expressing the imbalances as mirrors of the Earth.  She is weeping and so are we.  She is raging in consuming fire and so are we.  We need to be connected to the mother.  She is the source of much of our energy and power.  She brings us a grounded, supported feeling, but when she is in turbulence we are often reflecting the same.

We are feeling the feelings of the people in these areas who have lost everything. 

That might not make sense to a lot of people.  It might be questioned that anyone could feel emotions over thousands of miles.  Yet, if you have ever received or given energy work over a distance you realize quickly that energy moves over distance.  As one of my favorite Qi Gong teachers says, “Emotions are just energy in motion.”

For the empath and other highly sensitive people, energy is most often translated, felt and expressed as emotion.  It is why we might seem a little… unstable at times.

So, what can an empath do during natural disasters and unstable social climates?   

  1. Check in.  Stop when you feel the upswell of emotions.  Take some deep breaths, calm your body by sitting or laying down and check in if this feels like your emotion or energy of not. You can start a dialog with your body, your higher self or your guides, “Is this mine or coming from outside of me?”  Allow yourself to scan your body, bringing as much of your awareness inside as possible.  Just notice the sensations without giving them too much meaning.  My heart is beating fast does not have to mean, I have anxiety.  It can just mean that my heart is beating fast.  I feel sadness in my chest does not have to mean, I am sad.  Allow yourself to witness the experience without judgement bringing calming breath to any area that draws your attention.
  2. Ground.  We can be knocked off of our center by these events.  We might even be choosing to disconnect from the Earth for fear that what we feel will overwhelm us.  But, it is still important to be centered and grounded.  Walk outside with your shoes off if possible.  Find a tree and hold onto it.  Breathe into your feet and toes.  Send your breath down into the Earth and then watch it come back up and rest in your relaxed belly.  Hit your heels on the ground a few times.
  3. Move.  Sometimes the best way to move energy is to… move energy.  Go for a run, take a swim, lift some weights or dance it out.  Stagnation will only keep the feelings stuck inside building in intensity.  One of the best practices you can do is to shake.  Shake your whole body adding in some sound and send all of the emotions and energy out of your body and into the Earth. 
  4. Let it out.  You are not crazy for needing to bawl like a baby for a while.  Allow yourself to turn it up and wail, moan and scream. No one is probably paying any attention to you any way (really).  Do it in your car or the shower, or turn the music up if you are concerned that someone will think you mad.  For many of us, we are the expressers of the unexpressed.  This is not the easiest job to have on the planet but it is important.  Let it out.  Thank you for your service as this is a way that this overwhelming energy is being processed and it helps everyone.
  5. Nurture yourself.  Take long baths with candles and your favorite calming essential oils.  Eat lots of root vegetables and if you eat meat start making a bone broth.  Take time to just be quiet, off of your devices and media.  It can be exhausting to do this work.  Give yourself permission to take a nap, go to bed early or sleep in late.
  6. Seek help. Meditation, energy practices, going to see an energy healer can all assist greatly at these times.  Open up to those you feel really safe with, find a teacher, mentor or healer that you resonate with and let yourself receive some help.
  7. Love your nature.  You are amazing.  You are vital.  You are a contribution to this planet and you have the power to heal.  This is not a curse.  Stop using this to let yourself play the victim.  This is a super power, but it takes some time and knowledge to learn how to handle it effectively.

I work with healers, coaches, empaths and all those that are here to help with the expansion of consciousness on this planet.  I teach practices to support awakening, opening the channel and handling the emotional, spiritual and physical burden of working with clients and living in this world.

What Does Channeling Do To You?

A lot of people think that channeling is interesting or neat and they want to learn how to do it.  Really anyone can channel, but it takes a committed person to deal with the stuff that often happens when you turn on this gift.

Greater care has to be taken to keep the body nurtured and running properly.  Running these types of energies can be extremely depleting and they shift the balances of the body greatly.

Self-awareness, commitment to authenticity and discernment all must be upgraded.

Practices for clearing, protection and integration can not be missed.

Some are called to channel beings that are so far form their original vibration that the upgrades are exhausting and time consuming.

Anything in your life that is not in alignment with these higher frequencies will have to be dealt with and it might even look like your whole world is blowing up.

You will be called to trust and surrender in ways that you have never before.

It’s no joke.

I have been fascinated by these processes for years.  Seeking to understand how we do these things and how we do them safely and sustainably.  The more people that I work with I realize that the super fast path that all of us want and many of us are on can be so destabilizing that without the proper processes and practices we can actually set ourselves back.

Often what got you to this point just doesn’t seem to help as much anymore.

When you see a channel doing their work it often seems effortless.  But, you rarely see or know about the path that it took to get there or what they have had to do to stabilize and support these processes so that they appear so effortless.

Just like seeing a master musician or artist we we see the same effortlessness, not often the years of hours upon hours of work.  I am sure there are a lot of prodigies in these works as in others, some people bring through only their higher self or beings that are easier on the system than others.

Sometimes the energies that we pull through make us feel so good that we mistakingly think that this is no big deal on this human body until we burn out the system.

I believe that a proper foundation is important and the information and awareness around what working with these realms can bring is vital.

I just don’t see anyone talking abut this, yet when people reach out to me who are struggling with integrating these energies even after years of spiritual or healing work I have to wonder, are we really being honest with each other and with ourselves as to what these awakenings and activations look like and do to us or are we all so interested in looking perfect and like we have just always had our shit together that we are giving each other the false impression that this is just no big deal?

I help people open and integrate their channel in a healthy way and then bring this new or previously hidden work to the world.  If you are interested, reach out.

Photo: Michael Ellsberg

Please Forgive Me, I Forgive Myself, I Am Forgiven




Recently, in medicine ceremony this process unfolded through me and I was afforded deep, profound healing and awareness of a painful issue which has plagued me throughout my life.

We all know forgiveness is important to healing. The core of healing is often forgiveness.  We hear a lot about forgiving others:  our past partners, friends, parents and other family members. 

The deepest forgiveness work is forgiving ourselves.


Many of us have done great damage in our lifetimes  (maybe this one).  Let’s face it, if you believe in multiple lifetimes, you have to wonder where did all of those murderers, rapists, abusers, torturous prison guards, SS officers, etc etc etc end up in the next life?  If we hold that our soul is on a path of learning and discovery, we will acknowledge that some of those lifetimes we have lived (or are living concurrently as to the nature of time).  Many are walking through life in pain and disease from past life actions.

Deep Karmic healing requires our intense presence in the deepest wounds from these lifetimes.  In these lifetimes, we often allowed, called in and cultivated relationships with low frequency spirits that infiltrate our being with further pain, illness and trauma.  To root it out takes a willingness to face healing, often experienced as illness and pain full on with a compassionate heart.   We are called to go through the process of asking, then receiving our own forgiveness and to allow light to enter the places where we were not allowing it before due to our shame and subconscious self-hatred.

Without forgiving ourselves, we continue to hold hatred, shame and low frequencies in the body and being. 

There is no space for transformation without forgiveness.

Forgiveness for others is an incomplete process.

Please Forgive Me.  We often search desperately for someone to forgive us.  The light, God… We feel crushed under the burden, with the realization of our own horrors.  I have seen myself do terrible things and I have felt their implications in my life now.  This forgiveness feels external.  It has to be given the great weight and the detachment that we have from the issue.  But, we have to find this place where we completely surrender to asking for help and forgiveness.  Even if we are not exactly sure what we are asking for, we are tuning into a deeper knowing that realizes it is something that must be worked on.   

I Forgive Myself.  This one is such a challenge.  We hit against all of the reasons that we don’t deserve forgiveness, why we can’t forgive ourselves and the contracts we have made associated with the things we have done.  We must ask for help in removing these contracts from our energetic and soul signatures.

I Am Forgiven.  This is a place of deep rest and release.  We realize that we are already forgiven.  We have an unlimited amount of grace flowing toward us.  We always get another chance, a new start, but we have to ask for it and cultivate it in action.

Many of us in medicine work, healing sessions, relationships, and through other modalities are going through this process.  Sometimes it is very conscious, other times it is subtly under the surface.

When cultivated as a practice: 

Forgive me, I forgive myself, I am forgiven. 

We can open up to new possible futures without the weight of past negative actions on our soul, creating illness and pain in our bodies and following us everywhere attracting low frequency beings, people and situations.

Successful Coaches in Overwhelm

The coaching industry has exploded. This is such a good thing because it means that personal development has gone mainstream. People are realizing they need help with their marketing, businesses, love lives, sex, childhood beliefs and any other thing that might be holding them back from having an amazing life.

With people going through the awakening process, turning on gifts and realizing that living a regular life will no longer do, more and more people are finding a calling to help others.

Bringing gifts and geniuses to the masses via the internet and one on one sounds fairly simple. I know things, I put it out there, I know how to market and do sales, I get a lot of clients, followers and fans, I make a lot of money, I am happy. Yay!

But, I see a lot of coaches that are suffering. They have the business part down but hey haven’t gotten solid in every other area of life. They are now dealing with many different personalities and all of their drama, triggers and projections. They are overwhelmed, overworked and not able to hold clear and important boundaries.

Because, even if you are walking someone through a business program or a launch of a campaign you are coaching deeper levels. You are dealing with mindset, trauma and beliefs.

You must be solid, protected, guided and able to hold powerful space.

If your energy system is not fully functioning, if you are not sourcing power, receiving spiritual help, and taking your self-care to a new level you will burn out. If you have not dealt with your own childhood wounds, your own energetic blockages they will surface in your work. You will feel triggered by clients, exhausted, overwhelmed and not supported by the world. Even if you are making a ton of money the whole thing can start to make you feel dead inside, anxious or bored because you can’t take your clients to the next level because you haven’t gone there yourself.

You are here to do amazing things and serve a large number of people.

I am here to give you tools and processes to support that.

I love guiding coaches through their own processes. I teach simple practices that help to open the system, tap into deeper issues, release what is not serving and bring in massive power. I am an energy worker and work on the physical and energetic but I give you the tools to do your own work so that whatever comes up you can move through it. I help you tap into your intuition, deeper soul level gifts, move through your own traumas and get to a place where you are able to contribute in a much greater way.

Feel yucky after certain calls or a day of coaching?

Getting drained and depleted by the work that you should be uplifted by?

Are you doing YOUR most authentic work?

Not sure what your boundaries are in your professional relationships?

Are you afraid to charge for the value of your work?

Do you know that you have some stuff that you haven’t dealt with in your personal life that simply will not be cleared through a Yoga class or another marketing seminar?

Do you want to be more comfortable on camera, video and on stage?

Are you a master of your energy system? Do you want to be?

I work mostly one on one with people all over the world that are called to big things.

I also offer classes and courses to support you fully.

Become More:

Tools for:
Creating Sacred Container
Cleansing and Purification
Working with guides and other energetics
Feeling and moving energy
Opening the Channel
Healing Self and Holding Space for the Healing of Others

Let’s do this.

Dating Your Energetics

What if you could date an angel? Create a solid partnership that will serve your life and work on this planet.

When we open our channel, we can become confused. The messages and energies can be streaming in all at once, and it is hard to sort things out. Add that to a crowded room of people and we can become overwhelmed and shut down.

When you feel that you have multiple energies, guides and angels that you are connecting with and you would like more clarity to sort out their meanings and messages I encourage you to treat this process like you are dating.

Your channel might feel like you are just sleeping around all over the place. While I see nothing wrong with having Polyamorous (love with multiple beings) relationships with your energetics, and you will have a council of guides available to you throughout your life, I encourage you to spend some time with focused dedication to each one.


Decide to spend a week, a month or other period of time on a certain frequency or energy that you are feeling is coming in to you.

Build a separate altar in your space that is dedicated for this purpose.

Decorate that altar with the colors, stones and images that resonate with the being you are working with. These can be standard symbology associated with a particular angel for example but always use your guidance and intuition.

Sit with this energy on a daily basis.

Place your forehead on the ground and allow the gratitude for this being to well up in your heart.

Start a dialog with this being, always coming back to thankfulness and appreciation.

Treat it like a date. Pour two glasses of juice or tea that resonates with this energy, dress in lovely clothes in colors guided by the energy. Wear jewelry that feels connected to this frequency. Dance and allow the energy to move through you. Sing and allow the tones most loved by that energetic to flow through you. Write and allow the words to come through from this being. Draw images that you feel it would connect with. Treat it very much like a love relationships and the energy will be inspired to come more often and be more clear around its mission and purpose in your life and work.

It will give you a focused time to really feel this energetic so that you are aware in sessions or life when it is present and what that means. You won’t be distracted as much by other beings when you are focusing on this one. If there are images that resonate with this being, do a soft gaze open eye meditation in front of the image.

When your time is done, always honor the energy and tell it is is free to go but welcome to come back when needed.

At the end of the focused time, place some of your altar items in another place in the home and maintain a smaller area of honor for this being.

You have now solidified a relationship that will serve your life and work. The being will feel your gratitude, admiration and love which in turn will make the world a more joy filled, playful and loving place.

Image: RAPHAEL by Carlos Quevedo

My Awakening

My awakening has served my path of service to the world. What will your awakening uncover?

I think that I was a fairly normal child.  I was a lot more sensitive than others.  I suffered from social issues that left me overwhelmed at school as a child.  I was shy, kind, wanted to spend most of my time outdoors with my dog, and had an odd draw toward drawing ankhs (an ancient Egyptian symbol), using an ouija board to contact spirits, burying coins in the yard for luck, reading ancient mythology, learning tarot cards, skipping school to go to the cemetery to light candles and I became a vegetarian at age 9 because I felt so strongly the pain of the world and animals in particular.

When I was 15 years old, my grandmother died.  It was a traumatic event.  An uncle and aunt very loudly blamed me for her death stating that she was upset over my having started the birth control pill.  Actually, this was very far from the truth, but I wouldn’t know that for years.  My mother, being a psychotherapist, sent me to a therapist to talk things out.  I was sad and grieving in a normal way.  But, the year was 1991 and better living through chemistry was all the rage.  I was prescribed an antidepressant.  

I was never advised to go off of this medication.  And, in fact, it did seem like I had depression, anxiety and other mental health issues.  I would feel weird and not right in my head.  And they would prescribe another pill.  I started having panic attacks and I was prescribed Xanax, three pills a day in addition to two anti-depressants.  I was told that I had inherited a chemical imbalance. My mother had long suffered from depression, and doctors told me that going off of medication would be very bad for me.  I was told that I would be risking a serious mental break. The times when I would try to go off of these medications I would have such intense withdrawal symptoms that I would start to take them again right away.  

Basically, normal emotions and energies moving through my body were seen as enemies to push down instead of experience and process.

So I lived cerebrally medicated and hormonally regulated via birth control pill for almost 15 years.

Close to the end of my twenties I decided for once and for all to go off of these medications.  I thought I might want to have a baby and that seemed like a good reason, although I was told that I could, of course, take antidepressants while pregnant.  

I had just before this made a proclamation to the Universe: I want to know who I am, who I really am deeply and I want to know my reason for being on this Earth.  

I kept coming back to this request and would reflect on it often. I didn’t yet see the connection to my request to know myself and my internal shift to want to go off of these medications.

Finally, I found a psychiatrist that would work with me on taking down the meds. I went off of the birth control pill, found an amazing acupuncturist, naturopath, chiropractor and set in for a deep healing. I was prescribed mushrooms and Holy Basil, a sacred herb from India.

On the acupuncturist’s table, within about a month I fell into what I would describe as my first glimpse of meditation.  I had been going to acupuncture for years for pain but this had never happened.  I actually relaxed fully, my mind was alert and yet clear.  I felt peace.

I had tried Yoga and meditation before, but it just seemed over my head.  I couldn’t grasp the concept and it was discouraging.  But, here I was, traveling it seemed.

The come down was hard despite the support I had.  I suffered from dizziness, brain-fog, digestive problems, headaches, nausea, anxiety and more.  It was hard to tell what was real and what wasn’t.  Things seemed overwhelming and I had the sensation that I was feeling things in my life that I had never felt before.  I had always loved sex, but I started to have more intense satisfying, full body orgasms.  I started to feel joy, ecstasy and bliss for the first time.  Pain and dark depth of feeling was there too. Repressed emotions rose to the surface to be felt and processed. It was like I had been living inside of an old black and white TV and all of the sudden I was in technicolor and surround sound.  

I started listening and asking questions.

I started receiving messages.  ‘Go to the forest.  Work with plants.  Find the green.’

One day, I was invited to go to a huge field of flowers.  This was a large art project near downtown Los Angeles.  My boyfriend told me, “Take off your shoes.”  I grew up in Texas, where there are stickers and stinging insects everywhere. You did not go without shoes.

I had spent my 20s living in New York and Los Angeles.  I could not tell you when the last time I had my shoes off on the Earth was.

All of the sudden, a huge rush of energy came up through my feet.  I was literally knocked to the ground.  I felt and knew the energy of the Earth.  She was powerful and it created a depth of emotion that I had never felt before.  I spent the rest of the day curled in a ball in a laundry basket on the floor of my closet.  Something important had happened to me and I wasn’t sure what.  I knew that I needed to help heal something and to know and love the mother.

We went to a fairy-land place in a deep forest of Oregon.  And, it was as if I could see the fairy folk dancing all around me.  And I heard, very clear, “You are a Healer.”
What?  What does that mean?  I was actually quite broken in my body, I had no knowledge of healing, and no context to what this could mean.

So, I started guessing.  I knew I was supposed to work with plants. Maybe I was an herbalist.  I started studying.  I began more gardening projects and learned organic gardening and Permaculture. I started working with plants.  I was drawn to Spagyrics (an herbal medicine produced by alchemical procedures. These procedures involve fermentation, distillation and the extraction of mineral components from the ash of the plant.) after experiencing them at a festival and took an Alchemy course which would change my life.  In it, I was introduced to invoking trance states through plant meditations and drumming. I learned how to work with the elementals and did deep personal study of Kabbalah and ancient texts of transformation.

Luckily, I had the luxury of having time alone and not needing to work.  I am not sure what I would have done or if I could have done this at all without the support of my partner at the time and I will forever be grateful to him.

When I decided that I should meditate, I started to sit.  But, within a few minutes of sitting, my body would start to be racked with energy.  All of the sudden I would be shaking, making crazy sounds, flailing about and frankly scaring the shit out of myself.  It was ugly, horrible stuff.  I would scream and yell, contort and cry and all the while this intense energy was thrusting through me.  Sometimes I would be breathing heavily, sometimes I would stop altogether until I remembered that I must breathe to live.  Sometimes I shook so hard I thought I would knock my teeth out of my head.  I burned through with heat that drenched me in sweat for hours.

I didn’t tell people.

I spent a lot of time in the tub.  I would just make sound and cry for hours.

Then the visions started.  I would have remembrances of times that were not now and places that were not here.  And they were real.  And they sometimes opened up huge areas of grief, rage and shame.  I started to navigate these waters with movement and sound.

I began to have a very hard time going out in public.  Crowds were intense, music seemed louder and more jarring and the trees, animals, and elements were speaking to me.

I remember going out to eat once and it started to rain (odd in LA).  I couldn’t help but start this activation which was from the information that was coming into my hands from the water.  I had to make certain tones and movements; I had to go to the water.  

I started to channel.  This process was uncomfortable and intense. At first, it was a rush of energy running through me pushing at all of my blockages. The words were broken and jarring. I sputtered, stuttered and hit up against my own doubts and fears. Words flowed through that were not of this world. They were of another time and place and they were also of me and the pure essence of my being.

I had never even seen such a thing in real life.  I thought that to channel you had to pass out and then something took you over.  I had really only known a small amount about it from reading Edgar Cayce. That wasn’t what was happening to me.  It was like I was in there, same as always, only there was another energy in there too. My consciousness felt shifted to the back of my brain.  I still feel it mostly like this as though I am moving to the back right hand corner of my mind space.  I was a channel to a group of star people.  I was told information about the impending rising waters of the earth and what it would be like.  

I was told that I was key in bringing in and being a container for a raising of vibratory frequency.  That the people of the light would gather together and form a beacon to the others that seek to help us.

I was told that I was supposed to be channeling in front of groups of people.  Which basically scared the shit out of me.

I didn’t know what to think except that maybe I really was crazy.  I started reading more about channelings that others have brought through and thought those sounded a bit crazy as well.  But, I could not help but feel like this was something that I was supposed to be doing and kept coming back to it.

There were times when a being would enter my body and its vibration was so foreign, so large that I could hardly contain it and it was like being plugged into a light socket and not being able to let go.

At times, it seemed that they likened it to a novelty.  To be inside a human form in that way was unique and fun.

They started to pop in at different and uncalled for times, like when I was driving on a freeway in Los Angeles.

At that time I started to say no.  I had no idea that saying no was my right before this.

I learned to state that I was a sovereign being. I had to be clear and precise with what I would allow to happen inside of my body and what I wouldn’t allow.

I was overwhelmed and felt at the whim of this energetic work that was happening through me.

I went to see a doctor.  Yes, an MD, but one that I thought could understand me and what I was going through.  She was raised as the granddaughter of the healer woman from a village in India.  She read palms and taught at a center for esoteric studies.

I went into trance state.  She spoke with the primary being I was channeling.  And, I am sure a few other things that I can’t remember.  

Afterward, she told me, “You are a Shaman.  The problem is that you live in normal society.  In a tribal culture, you would have been picked out early on as a child, sent to live with the Shaman, nurtured and trained and then you would have lived outside of the village.  Your time would be spent working with plants and the spirits.  You would have no other job.  People would bring you food and things that they made in return for the healing that you would do.  But, now you have to be in this society, have a job, fight traffic, navigate reality which is not what you were brought here to do.”

Throughout this time I kept asking for help.  I was fortunate to come across the path of a master teacher, Mayaya who took me under her wing and taught me the vital processes of grounding, releasing, balancing, and activating.  These practices became the cornerstone of my process through this time and beyond.  Without these tools I would have risked damaging my energetic system perhaps permanently.

I reached out and started studying with other teachers and guides of meditation, Yoga and other healing modalities both structural and energetic.  Because I had injured my back in my early 20s I deeply studied anatomy and physiology and body work. Through this I started to discover the energetic and emotional correspondences that were being expressed in people’s bodies.  

The awakenings kept happening.  The blockages were cleared over time.  My voice opened and I found one of my most sacred healing tools.

This awakening, in the eyes of most people would seem like madness.  There would seem to be no cure for such a disorder that would cause extreme shaking and trembling, speaking in tongues, inability to control the body, heavy sweats, screaming and crying.

This could only be madness of the most profound state that would have to require hospitalization, medication, exorcism, hysterectomy or lobotomy.

But, this was my path to full and total liberation of my being becoming fully actualized as a master healer and mystic.

As a healer, I believe that we must fight our way through blocks that keep us from being actualized.  This creates a powerful portal that propels us to our destiny.

People go through this in different ways.  Often a near death experience or serious illness are the initiatory experiences that bring us in contact with the spiritual forces at work in our lives.  Others receive their initiation through drugs, sex or spiritual practices.

We are offered a way to wake up and join the forces of light and to do the work we are brought here to do.

In this process, there is a need to clear and heal all aspects of our being.  We must address the past lives in which we were tortured and burned in order to pull through the information for that life.

We must heal the blocks from our upbringing that says we should remain small, not tell people what we see, hear or know.  We begin to integrate all parts of ourselves.  Then we can form relationships with other beings of light and the natural world to support us on our journey.

And, so my path so clearly laid out before me is one of being the bridge for the others.  People come to me when they start to awaken to their energy and potential.  They bring their fears and shame.  They wonder at their sanity and their place in the world.  

And, because I have had such a strong experience.  Because it was so intense and powerful for me to go through this time, I am able to relate and offer support.

I am constantly pushing myself to learn more, experience more, open more and confront the shadows that keep me held back as I do for all of my people who come to me for help.

I believe that simple practices and awareness can make this process much easier and that the healing that works through my body and field is my service to this world.

It has not been an easy path.  It is not one that I chose but one that chose me.

And, I would not have it any other way.

Excerpt from Awaken, Heal, Evolve: The Modern Mystics Guide to the Awakening

You Own a Well

You are the owner of a well. 

You have been digging this well for years.  You have put in hard labor.  You have studied with great well masters so that it is strong and deep.

The land is dry and barren.  Water is scarce.  A woman with no water on her land finds out that  you have a well.  She travels through the heat to your land seeking that which will sustain her life.  You share the water because it is the only thing you can do.  You reach deep inside of the well and pull forth the life nourishing liquid.

The woman thanks you and goes away.

You worry if the water might make her sick.  Maybe you didn’t pull from deep enough or filter out enough of the sediment.

You worry that she will tell others.

You worry that you might not have enough in your well if many people know that you have this gift.

You worry that others will look at you differently if you are the well owner.  They might not love you and you might be separate.

Slowly they start to appear.  At first there is one or two at a time.  Soon there are entire families.  They set up camps to cook and sleep because yours is the closest water for so many miles.  A community starts to develop.

At this point, you have a decision to make.

Do you close the well to save the precious juice for yourself?  Do you send the thirsty people away knowing they might not find water elsewhere?

Do you deny that you own the well so that you are not responsible for all of these people?

Do you pretend that you do not have this water because you do not want to be celebrated?  After all this might create ego.

Who are you to own a well?

Who are you to supply life to those that are thirsting?

Are you willing to take on this responsibility?  The one handed to you by the great Mother who has given you this gift.

Will you reach deep inside to bring forth life for the others?

The land is parched.  The people thirst.

You own the well.  Own it well.

A Letter to Heal the Mother Wound

When I was first handed this assignment, I folded it up into a small square and hid it in my purse for several months. At the time, I was working really hard with my clients, had a shitty boundary system with them and was in a lot of physical pain and discomfort. I didn’t really want to deal with some of my anger at my mother, but it kept surfacing in the tears that sprung up on a regular basis. I was resentful and just couldn’t seem to let it go and our relationship was really suffering.

Every so often I would take the paper out of my purse, unfold it, read my notes on the letter I was going to write and then fold it back up and put it away.

Finally, one day I was ready. I realized that there was no way that I could continue to hold negative feelings toward someone that I still shared cells with. I was poisoning myself and the relationship was so hard to maintain. She could feel that something was wrong, she knew that I was mad at her, but I couldn’t let it out. I wasn’t being honest with either one of us.

I offer you this exercise as one to help clear the old wounds that might be plaguing your relationship. Of course, this can be done with any strained relationship in which old issues are driving things and is especially helpful for forgiving those that have passed.

Write a letter to your mother (or anyone else) in which you allow yourself to go into all of the places where she hurt you and did not show up for you. Get it all out there. This could take a while and will be painful. You might want to take some time off from talking with mom so that the pain that is surfacing and the words from the page don’t make it out to her. There is usually little reason to go into these things with a parent. They often can not hear or hold space for these things. It would simply be too painful to look at and not in the highest service.

Do NOT send this letter!

Speak these words to the Earth. Go out into nature where it is OK to break down and sob and say these words. Say them to the Earth. Let her hold your pain and tears.

When this feels settled, write another letter. This one from your mother.

When you sit down, ask to be connected to your mother’s higher self. Ask that you be able to write from her higher self to respond to your letter.

From her higher self, you can receive what you need. Go through each point and let her really hear you, acknowledge you as you would like to be acknowledged, let her say that she is sorry.

“I know that I let you down. I know that was not a loving way to be. I see that I hurt you. I am sorry. I was doing the best that I knew how at the time. Know that I love you.”

Let this really sink into your being. Read the words to your inner child and let her feel their truth from the higher nature of your mother.

You might want to write more letters to her or to others to complete this healing process.

The letter that you eventually write might be one of forgiveness, appreciation and love. This could be the one that you actually do send to your mom.

A ceremonial burning of these letters can also help to clear the energy and to create a new internal relationship for you.

As you heal and expand in consciousness, know that there will be wounds to heal and relationship dynamics to deal with. These can cause shutting down of areas and energy centers of the body and even create pain and illness. When you commit to doing your internal healing work, without requiring others to fulfill your need for healing, you can achieve remarkable peace.

I have noticed that my relationship with my mother greatly improved from this process.

We are close and talk often and I am able to have boundaries that I never had before in the relationship. I am taking responsibility for my experience within it and not holding old wounds up for viewing at every turn.

When we see the pains in our bodies and hearts as opportunities for growth instead of something to hide from, we allow a deep healing to occur and our true nature of love to emerge.